I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
