omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
