I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
