So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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