return my video game
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people