Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.