You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
