Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys