I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.