and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with