Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
