did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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