He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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