so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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