Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
