and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
