i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize