i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
