I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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