Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
