Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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