if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
