I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
