Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
