Are we in a gay sports bar?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
