aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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