I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
