you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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