how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
