I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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