I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
