u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
