I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
