5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
