Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im six kinds of drunk right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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