But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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