What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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