I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
