i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
