Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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