You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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