the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
