Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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