A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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