don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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