hell yes lets make some ravioli
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
