Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just pee around me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
