my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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