do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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