I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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