You really coming over, don't trick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
