A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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