It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
