Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
