She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
