so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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