This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
