I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
