There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
