I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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