I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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