I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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