im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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