i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
