Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
