uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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