i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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