i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
