im six kinds of drunk right now
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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