I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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