don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
