drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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