I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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