does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
