If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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