I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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