i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
