Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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