God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
