Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
