Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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