I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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