first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
