Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
