I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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