i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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