It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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