Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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