I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
