He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
